The Beauty of Healing

This is a very personal post, so if you are one of those people who hates reading about trials in other's lives I would suggest you don't read this one.

I'm going to be honest. I have been in pain. For the past 12 years I had held onto what one person did to me for so long, that I could no longer trust very many people. This was not fair to all the people that I had come in contact with. They deserved my trust and they've done nothing wrong that proved otherwise.

I realized that this was an issue about 2, almost 3 years ago. I didn't want to admit that anything was wrong, though. I thought that maybe if I ignored it, it would go away. I was wrong. The wound never healed, but festered with infection and kept coming back, worse each time.

Last night I wrote a letter. A letter to the person that hurt me so much that I became this way. I doubt he remembers what he did to me, but I remembered.

Today I burned that letter. As that letter burned I promised that I would let what was holding me down go. I let go of that burden on my shoulders.

I took a picture of the fire and sent it to my good friend who is the only person who knows what I was struggling through. And then I cried.

I'm still not sure if I was crying because of the loss of what I had been holding on to or because I could FINALLY move on. I am finally willing to begin trusting others and allowing them closer to me. I'm pretty sure it was a mix of both.

I had grown comfortable with my pain. I had grown even more comfortable with the barriers that I had put up so no one would be able to cause that much pain in my life ever again. As of today, I am breaking down those barriers.

I know I am not completely healed yet. I know the would will still itch and that I'll have to keep constant care of it, but I'm ready to let it heal properly this time.