No Titles For Me!

Today someone told me that she finally figured me out. At first I was confused, but then she went on to explain her idea of who I am. This is what she said,

You're confident in who you are. You're quiet and shy. You're kind. And you're awesome and I love you. And you're honest. Even when it's awkward.

Now. Let me tell you what I was thinking the whole time driving home after she said that.

Yeah. I am confident in who I am, but only to a certain point. I hate it when people put expectations on me - a problem from my upbringing that is for another day- so I've learned to only follow the expectations that I have of myself.

Quiet and shy? Sure took you some time to figure that one out... I'm really bad at talking, so I don't talk unless I know you pretty well. And that takes some time.

Kind... I guess... I find it hard to understand what it is to be kind. Actually I don't understand a lot of things, but that's not the point. What is being kind? Is it doing something for someone else because they need/want it? Is it sacrificing your time, strength, know-how, patience or money even though you would rather keep it for yourself? Is it controlling your initial reaction to ill thoughts and actions of other, responding calmly and collectedly? Is it putting yourself last? Is it learning to love, like our Saviour and Heavenly Father would love? Whichever it is, I'm working on it. It's not something I was born with, trust me.

Awesome. WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN???? I do things because I think it's fun. Not because it makes me awesome. Once again, I hardly care what people think of me. That's all.

And yeah. I try to be honest almost to the point of a fault. Mostly because I don't realize that saying my opinion can hurt people. A lot of people appreciate it, even if it is really awkward, and everyone else doesn't know how to handle it. I just say things how I really feel because speaking is a difficult enough task for me that I don't want to have to put in even more effort to curb my words for the sake of not risking anything. I would probably just give up talking in all if it took that much effort.

I normally hate it when people tell me about myself, but for some reason this time it was okay. Maybe it was the person, or maybe it was because she didn't say that she wished she had something that I did. She just said it. And I was okay with that.

When I tell people that I am an artist I usually get the response, "That's so cool! I wish I could draw!" and I normally respond with, "Yeah, I used to say the same thing." Because I did! I was HORRIBLE at drawing. I was even worse when it came to color! I had little to no creative talent. I was only good at math and science. But, drawing was something that I wanted to learn, so I learned. Let me tell you - it was no easy task. I have thousands of drawings from the past six years and only about .2% of them are part way decent. But I never gave up. This is what I did for EVERY single thing that I have. Some things were easier to work towards, it's true, but none of it was free.